Siswonyim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, benevolent zebra.

Siswonyim created a Higgs boson three million years ago.

If you believe in Siswonyim, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Siswonyim, she will laugh at you.

Siswonyim's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Siswonyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near doves while wearing red rings and balancing six aluminium spheres on your hands.