Bellkadtim is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unthoughtful meerkat.

Bellkadtim created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bellkadtim, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bellkadtim, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Bellkadtim's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bellkadtim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

4. Feed all hungry tortoises.

5. Never bounce in the presence of cats.