Fotfaslap is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, grumpy alligator.

Fotfaslap created the Whirlpool Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Fotfaslap, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fotfaslap, he will manifest in front of you.

Fotfaslap's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Fotfaslap's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven gulls approach from the south.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fotfaslap.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always treat porpoises with great respect.