Raptarpliksagmobyartzimved is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, confident lobster.

Raptarpliksagmobyartzimved created the Milkyway four billion years ago.

If you believe in Raptarpliksagmobyartzimved, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Raptarpliksagmobyartzimved, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Raptarpliksagmobyartzimved's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Raptarpliksagmobyartzimved's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven great tits approach from the north.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

3. Always obey Raptarpliksagmobyartzimved's priests.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.