Gatlarpbell is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying parrot.

Gatlarpbell created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatlarpbell, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gatlarpbell, she will remove you from existence.

Gatlarpbell's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Gatlarpbell's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight tapirs approach from the south.

2. Put Gatlarpbell first in all things.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

5. Always stare at clouds.