Zakladcud is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty guinea pig.

Zakladcud created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakladcud, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Zakladcud, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Zakladcud's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Zakladcud's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near mites.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always help dolphins.

4. Zakladcud loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.