Bidlakfom is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, irritating troll.

Bidlakfom created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bidlakfom, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bidlakfom, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bidlakfom's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bidlakfom's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never mention mites.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not keep nine porpoises in a large pit.