Quartcussyamyatt Lapvilsin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, contented alligator.

Quartcussyamyatt Lapvilsin created the Andromeda Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartcussyamyatt Lapvilsin, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quartcussyamyatt Lapvilsin, she will turn you into a worm.

Quartcussyamyatt Lapvilsin's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Quartcussyamyatt Lapvilsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt eagles.

2. Always help sick rats.

3. Never talk about eukaryotes.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near manatees while wearing brown shirts and balancing nine lead spheres on your arms.