Bissmismetzig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, temperamental squid.

Bissmismetzig created the Virgo Supercluster five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bissmismetzig, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bissmismetzig, he will turn you into a dog.

Bissmismetzig's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Bissmismetzig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three gulls approach from the west.

2. Run away from turquoise squirrels, for they are unholy.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

5. Never laugh in the presence of eagles.