Zakkomxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, quiet seal.

Zakkomxuck created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakkomxuck, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zakkomxuck, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zakkomxuck's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Zakkomxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Erect four silicon sculptures of Zakkomxuck on top of important buildings.

3. Worship no other gods but Zakkomxuck.

4. Do not eat apples.

5. Do not run in public.