Bastvoggesscebjamgedtoffun Kabbellpark is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, unthinking shrew.

Bastvoggesscebjamgedtoffun Kabbellpark created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bastvoggesscebjamgedtoffun Kabbellpark, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bastvoggesscebjamgedtoffun Kabbellpark, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bastvoggesscebjamgedtoffun Kabbellpark's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bastvoggesscebjamgedtoffun Kabbellpark's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bastvoggesscebjamgedtoffun Kabbellpark.

2. Always help sick dogs.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about porpoises.

5. Foxes are not to be trusted.