Parklatrow is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, proud guinea pig.

Parklatrow created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Parklatrow, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Parklatrow, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Parklatrow's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Parklatrow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. You must love Parklatrow.

3. Do not speak about grapes.

4. Retreat if eight doves approach from the south.

5. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.