Lamjam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, omnipotent owl.

Lamjam created the Cigar Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Lamjam, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lamjam, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Lamjam's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Lamjam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

2. Never feed parsnips to shrews while wearing trousers.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not chop down trees.