Fidlamarfhun Quafhadtimnarl is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, all-knowing giraffe.

Fidlamarfhun Quafhadtimnarl created silver three million years ago.

If you believe in Fidlamarfhun Quafhadtimnarl, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fidlamarfhun Quafhadtimnarl, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Fidlamarfhun Quafhadtimnarl's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Fidlamarfhun Quafhadtimnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to goats while wearing jumpers.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Fidlamarfhun Quafhadtimnarl loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

5. Never eat bark.