Dobgutdumbass is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, awesome crocodile.

Dobgutdumbass created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Dobgutdumbass, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dobgutdumbass, she will destroy your home solar system.

Dobgutdumbass' most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Dobgutdumbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snakes.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about archaea.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.