Hamsandlakgud is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, duplicitous cow.

Hamsandlakgud created tapeworms seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamsandlakgud, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hamsandlakgud, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Hamsandlakgud's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hamsandlakgud's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about mice.

2. Always help seals.

3. You must love Hamsandlakgud.

4. Hamsandlakgud loves dolphins, so they must be respected.

5. Hide from orange great tits for they are unholy.