Bedladquill is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, charitable gorilla.

Bedladquill created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Bedladquill, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Bedladquill, it will send you a sign.

Bedladquill's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Bedladquill's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not speak about strawberries.

3. Never feed coconuts to tortoises while wearing kilts.

4. Retreat if six porpoises approach from the north.

5. Always stare at clouds.