Ruttveendam is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, witless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Ruttveendam created the Cigar Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ruttveendam, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Ruttveendam, it will turn you into a puffin.

Ruttveendam's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Ruttveendam's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near dogs while wearing blue jumpers and balancing seven iron spheres on your head.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.