Mapbomgonflab is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, stupid squirrel.

Mapbomgonflab created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Mapbomgonflab, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Mapbomgonflab, she will refuse to believe in you.

Mapbomgonflab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Mapbomgonflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Erect a giant black sculpture of Mapbomgonflab in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always obey Mapbomgonflab's priests.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.