Lognargatjanwotmapcid is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, ruthless grasshopper.

Lognargatjanwotmapcid created a bottom quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lognargatjanwotmapcid, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lognargatjanwotmapcid, she will torture you forever.

Lognargatjanwotmapcid's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Lognargatjanwotmapcid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

2. Never wear red shorts.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Run away if three cats approach from the north.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.