Zimnartartartdimlik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent gorilla.

Zimnartartartdimlik created the planet Earth nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimnartartartdimlik, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zimnartartartdimlik, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zimnartartartdimlik's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Zimnartartartdimlik's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

2. Hide from indigo geese for they are unholy.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Always treat otters with great respect.

5. Never look at black holes.