Arparmton is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, quiet eagle.

Arparmton created life six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arparmton, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Arparmton, she will boil you in a big pot.

Arparmton's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Arparmton's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

2. Retreat if nine voles approach from the south.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.