Zagparksak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless dryad.

Zagparksak created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Zagparksak, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zagparksak, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Zagparksak's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Zagparksak's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear magenta.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never feed carrots to pigs while wearing purple tights.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Zagparksak.

5. Always help goats in need.