Fudnellfon is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, calm rat.

Fudnellfon created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Fudnellfon, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fudnellfon, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fudnellfon's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Fudnellfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine whales in a large pit.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Fudnellfon on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about optics near pigs while wearing fawn corsets and balancing six carbon spheres on your arms.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.