Vonpangjad Wonladhot Negjop is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, competent cow.

Vonpangjad Wonladhot Negjop created the cosmos four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonpangjad Wonladhot Negjop, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Vonpangjad Wonladhot Negjop, she will refuse to believe in you.

Vonpangjad Wonladhot Negjop's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Vonpangjad Wonladhot Negjop's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four nematodes approach from the west.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never feed garlic to mice while wearing purple kilts.

4. Vonpangjad Wonladhot Negjop must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never hurt bats.