Quagyikwig is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate chinchilla.

Quagyikwig created light four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagyikwig, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quagyikwig, it will destroy your home solar system.

Quagyikwig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Quagyikwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick gulls.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not covet oxen.