Dampangont is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, blissful grasshopper.

Dampangont created the universe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dampangont, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Dampangont, it will throw large rocks at you.

Dampangont's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dampangont's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Dampangont.

3. Do not speak about pineapples.

4. Put Dampangont first in all things.

5. Hide if four grasshopers approach from the west.