Loopvinkan is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, selfish otter.

Loopvinkan created a quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopvinkan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Loopvinkan, she will not care.

Loopvinkan's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Loopvinkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near tortoises while wearing indigo coats and balancing four silicon spheres on your feet.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.