Nullbarnhiv is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered aardvark.

Nullbarnhiv created gold four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nullbarnhiv, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nullbarnhiv, she will turn you into a rat.

Nullbarnhiv's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Nullbarnhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not speak about melons.

3. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

4. Never think about spacetime near sharks while wearing blue scarves and balancing five copper spheres on your feet.

5. Squirrels are not to be trusted.