Batliplik is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, uncaring dryad.

Batliplik created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batliplik, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Batliplik, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Batliplik's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Batliplik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near horses while wearing fawn boots and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your head.

3. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Batliplik in the centre of the settlement.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Batliplik.