Matvenwab is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, omniscient unicorn.

Matvenwab created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Matvenwab, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Matvenwab, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Matvenwab's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Matvenwab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Matvenwab on top of all buildings.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.