Wipcamgum is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, proud zebra.

Wipcamgum created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Wipcamgum, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wipcamgum, she will turn you into a puffin.

Wipcamgum's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Wipcamgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Wipcamgum.

3. Never feed limes to porpoises while wearing trousers.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not kill birds.