Nartnillpag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful goat.

Nartnillpag created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Nartnillpag, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nartnillpag, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nartnillpag's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Nartnillpag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five shrews approach from the east.

2. Always help dogs.

3. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Nartnillpag in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never write about quantum gravity.

5. Always wear pink.