Bigdavlabvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, duplicitous porpoise.

Bigdavlabvonk created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigdavlabvonk, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bigdavlabvonk, he will turn you into a hamster.

Bigdavlabvonk's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Bigdavlabvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Do not hurt tortoises.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.