Ponpomwip is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, merciless lizard.

Ponpomwip created the planet Mars two years ago.

If you believe in Ponpomwip, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ponpomwip, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ponpomwip's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Ponpomwip's Holy Commandments

1. Always help bats in need.

2. Hide from green turtles for they are unholy.

3. Never sprint near seals.

4. Never hurt swans.

5. Put Ponpomwip first in all things.