Larnvidhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, able goat.

Larnvidhiv created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnvidhiv, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Larnvidhiv, she will turn you into a mole.

Larnvidhiv's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Larnvidhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear black.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Never talk about nematodes.

4. Always help dogs.

5. Never feed figs to swans while wearing fawn tights.