Lamyarpsomjatcenbutkom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, blissful whale.

Lamyarpsomjatcenbutkom created dark matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lamyarpsomjatcenbutkom, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lamyarpsomjatcenbutkom, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lamyarpsomjatcenbutkom's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Lamyarpsomjatcenbutkom's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Always help frogs in need.

4. Do not wear silver on your body.

5. Do not eat gooseberries.