Flaphotten is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, merciless monkey.

Flaphotten created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaphotten, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Flaphotten, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Flaphotten's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Flaphotten's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Flaphotten on top of all buildings.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not listen to music.