Gofquagdinmum is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, capable slug.

Gofquagdinmum created Europe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofquagdinmum, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gofquagdinmum, he will turn you into a rock.

Gofquagdinmum's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Gofquagdinmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about galaxies.

2. Do not kill dolphins.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.