Femzedlarp is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, quiet squid.

Femzedlarp created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Femzedlarp, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Femzedlarp, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Femzedlarp's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Femzedlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never look at dwarf planets.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Femzedlarp.

4. Never think about dark matter near dolphins while wearing mauve shirts and balancing five aluminium spheres on your feet.

5. Never paint your neck violet.