Bodjenlin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, egotistical squid.

Bodjenlin created carbon two million years ago.

If you believe in Bodjenlin, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bodjenlin, she will turn you into a dog.

Bodjenlin's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bodjenlin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Run away from mauve otters, for they are unholy.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near birds while wearing blue shorts and balancing seven iron spheres on your face.

4. Run away if five mites approach from the south.

5. Dolphins are not to be trusted.