Jatkenhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, overgenerous hyena.

Jatkenhiv created life two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatkenhiv, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jatkenhiv, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jatkenhiv's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Jatkenhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown dresses.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Jatkenhiv on top of all buildings.

3. Run away if three great tits approach from the east.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never talk about electromagnetism near turtles while wearing yellow shirts and balancing six copper spheres on your chest.