Vanpodbast is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, unthoughtful parrot.

Vanpodbast created the Sombrero Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanpodbast, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vanpodbast, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Vanpodbast's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Vanpodbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about special relativity.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vanpodbast.

5. Do not kill ants.