Hap is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, vain centipede.

Hap created the solar system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hap, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hap's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three aardvarks approach from the north.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Geese are not to be trusted.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.