Hakstandim Tettibafgom Ortpidfen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, sage pigeon.

Hakstandim Tettibafgom Ortpidfen created parasitic wasps six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakstandim Tettibafgom Ortpidfen, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hakstandim Tettibafgom Ortpidfen, it will make you grow a tail.

Hakstandim Tettibafgom Ortpidfen's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Hakstandim Tettibafgom Ortpidfen's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Hakstandim Tettibafgom Ortpidfen in the centre of the settlement.