Cempadgep is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, astonishing bat.

Cempadgep created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cempadgep, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cempadgep, it will destroy your home solar system.

Cempadgep's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cempadgep's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention grasshopers.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never feed lots of tomatoes to moths while wearing violet ear rings.