Cumtifomt is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, fussy cow.

Cumtifomt created the Black Eye Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Cumtifomt, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cumtifomt, she will remove you from existence.

Cumtifomt's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Cumtifomt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt voles.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not eat strawberries.

4. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Cumtifomt in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics.