Bonkdinfet is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, proud walrus.

Bonkdinfet created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkdinfet, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bonkdinfet, it will destroy your home solar system.

Bonkdinfet's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bonkdinfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never feed lots of lemons to cats while wearing violet shirts.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Never sing in the presence of whales.