Podlarpbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, cheerful fox.

Podlarpbarn created Asia five billion years ago.

If you believe in Podlarpbarn, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Podlarpbarn, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Podlarpbarn's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Podlarpbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. You must love Podlarpbarn.

3. Never chant in holy places.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.