Yartpodlenkem is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, clever hippopotamus.

Yartpodlenkem created a charm quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartpodlenkem, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yartpodlenkem, it will strike you with lightening.

Yartpodlenkem's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Yartpodlenkem's Holy Commandments

1. Yartpodlenkem must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never skip in the presence of capybaras.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.